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雅思写作提高之：雅思7分大作范文批改与解析

雅思写作提高第一步：结构(5.0 - 5.5)

问题：出国留学的优点(the advantages of disadvantages of study abroad)

同学：One reason for those who decide to go overseas to get a higher degree is that they believe they can get better education in certain fields. That is to say, different universities in different countries have their specialized courses and rich resources can be provided according to their needs and requirements. Another reason is that they can learn a foreign language in a more efficient way. There is no denying that living in an all-round English environment and being affected by local culture make people quick learners.

解析：出国留学和高学历完全是两回事(出去读初中和高中都算出国);出国就是better education，在国内就不是better? 出国留学可不仅仅是上大学，而该同学认为出国留学就是去上大学的(因为她可能就是去上大学的，所以觉得所有人也都如此)，偏激。此外，第四句论述变成了英语环境了(因为大家都去英语国家，所以主观认为，所有出国的人就是去学英语的)，再次带来了内容偏激。

大家找问题的时候是不是去找语法或者词汇使用上面的错误了?对，很多时候大家认为自己写的没什么问题(毕竟词汇和语法没少使用)，分数低会归类到“压分”。那么在感受一下5.5分的原因真是词汇或者语法问题吗?考官看不懂，就是看不懂;唯一看懂的就是结构还算完整，所以5.0 - 5.5分。

雅思写作提高第二步：逻辑(6.0 - 6.5)

逻辑部分的主要得分点有两个：一个是观点的准确性;一个是论证方法的灵活使用。我们根据刚才的5.0 - 5.5分的文章，进一步感受一下有了逻辑的内容有什么区别。

问题：出国留学的优点(the advantages of disadvantages of study abroad)

Tim老师改：One reason for those who decide to go overseas for study is that they believe they can have access to different educational resources. That is to say, different countries have different educational system, and they can provide people with their specialized courses and rich resources to their needs and requirements. Another reason is that they can learn a foreign language in a more efficient way. There is no denying that living in a foreign environment and being affected by local culture make people learn a language more quickly.

解析：Tim老师通过修改了上面同学的问题，把内容变得更准确、有说服力。所以，5.5 - 6.0分的一个最佳提分方式就是学会总结归纳自己要说的内容;否则，只是通过词汇或者语法是很难提高分数的(大家可以感受一下自己当下的学习方式就知道了)。

雅思写作第三步：语言(7+)

小站雅思君进一步给大家感受一下7.0分的标准又和上面的内容有什么区别。

问题：出国留学的优点 (the advantages of disadvantages of study abroad)

On one hand, people can have access to different educational resources when they pursue their study in another country. It is self-evident that everyone would choose a place that offers a more competitive and better education in certain field as the destination for their overseas studies. This explains the reason why bunches of young people flood into some countries for further their study, such as America or Germany. Under this circumstance, students will receive many materials that are more up-to-date and teachers can provide them with the latest development in their fields that differs from others.

解析：一段只围绕一个观点做展开论述。通过强调论证、解释论证、递进句等不同论证方法来解释观点：出国留学可以让人们获取不同的教育资源。并且语言使用准确且多样，层层递进。所以，从段落的逻辑性、紧密型以及语言使用的多样性还有准确性上面都符合7分标准。

2018年7月21日雅思写作真题回忆及范文

题目为Some businesses find that new employees who just finish their education lack basic interpersonal ability such as work with others as a part of team.

雅思小作文类型：流程图

题目 The diagram shows the how recycled paper is made

雅思大作文类型：社会类

题目：Some businesses find that new employees who just finish their education lack basic interpersonal ability such as work with others as a part of team.What do you think the causes of this problem?And how to solve this?

范文来自雅思哥：

Despite the high level of knowledge, employers today have found that their new employees lack basic interpersonal skills needed in an office environment. This essay will analyze the main reason leading to the problem and offer some potential solutions to it.

People with interpersonal skills are the people who can vary how they act and what they contribute. They notice the strengths and weaknesses of their group, and they adapt. However, schools and colleges or universities have failed to equip students with such applied skills. Instead, students are encouraged to focus on their academic subjects exclusively, because they are only evaluated by their academic performance which is essential to receiving an academic qualification. Unfortunately, many of them have turned into information recipients who acquire the knowledge in a passive way without truly developing abilities and skills required in today s job market. For high schools, educators should think more about how students are learning, rather than just what they are learning. Teaching should reflect the richness of real-life interactions, and to give students experience in the kinds of settings that are going to be useful to them when they leave school. Assignments and curricula should integrate opportunities to work collaboralively. Group projects, for example, are valuable learning opportunities.

In the higher education sphere, professors and administrators should encourage students to seek out real-world experiences. Colleges and universities could ask students to work cotlaboratively in the classroom and pursue internships and volunteer opportunities outside of it. Students should also look for critical growth opportunities within their extracurncular activities, rather than just viewing them as resume-fillers.

To conclude, jobs requiring high levels of social interaction are growing. In order to help graduates better prepare for their future career, changes should be considered in the education system.

2018年7月21日雅思小作文真题范文解析：废纸循环利用

雅思小作文题目：The diagram shows the how recycled paper is made.

雅思小作文范文解析：流程图可分为关于生命周期的和生产过程的。该题目属于后者，难点有2个。第一个是可能出现生词，比如图中的pulp, filtering等。这些词多是名词或者动名词词组，而气体，液体，粉末状及浆体材料多是不可数名词，相反，设备多数是可数名词如conveyor belt。第二个难点是步骤间的衔接，考生可以积累相关句式比如，once/as soon as/after/when/where/on which 等。

雅思小作文高分表达

materials and equipment a series of screens

four consecutive steps After the filtering process

be placed on a blender made up of

Are poured down the next process involves

be immersed into be submerged into

雅思小作文范文

Given is a process chart illustrating materials and equipment used in four consecutive steps consisted in the manufacture of recycled paper.

First of all, shredded paper collected in tubs will be placed on a conveyor belt which transfers it to a container. Once the waste paper scraps are poured down, they are immersed in water and chemicals to breakdown the paper fiber materials. It turns the paper materials into a slurry substance, a process termed as pulping. When pulp is produced it is then passed through a series of screens.

After the filtering process, the next process involves putting the clean and homogeneous pulp in a blender made up of water and soap to enhance purity. At this point, air will be infused while ink will be discharged by a tube. The cleaned pulp will drain through a pipe into the last container to be submerged into water and chemicals, after which, it is put to dry on a flat conveyor belt and form long rolls of continuous sheets of paper.

In brief, the whole recycling process for waste paper takes four steps involving pulping, filtering, cleaning and forming.

2018年7月21日雅思大作文范文及解析：毕业生社交问题

雅思大作文写作类型 社会类

雅思大作文范文解析：本文属于典型的report题型，原因+解决措施，依旧考查了6月份2次出现的社会话题。Report题目难度不大,只要题目要求没看走眼，一般TR 和cc 较容易取得高分，但report 很容易出现过多模板句。要想考高分的选手，实现7.5+的请注意避免过于模板化，使用套句时尽量贴近原文，词汇语法丰富性上多下功夫。

文章结构 第一段：背景引入+题目要求(选写)

第二段：刚毕业学生缺乏人际能力的原因1：大学生过分重视追求高学历，忽略了人际沟通能力的培养。2：传统教育只注重孩子学术能力的培养，而鲜有涉及到对合作沟通能力训练的课程。

第三段：提出相关解决措施。

第四段：总结原因措施。

雅思大作文高分话题表达

prestigious universities 名牌大学

the requisite qualifications 必要资格条件

entry-level candidates 初级雇员

more often than not 一般来说

a decent job 体面的工作

pursuing academic achievements 追求高的学术成绩

fill the void of 弥补...不足

jobs with promising future 有前途的工作

extra-curricular activities 课外活动

integrate into 融入

sense of work ethic 职业道德意识

teamwork 团队意识

camaraderie 同伴关系

The key to doing 做...的关键

extended internship 延长实习

雅思大作文高分结构

seldom do they devote 部分倒转

extra-curricular activities enabling them to 分词后置定语

,especially in , 插入语具体化

Time that young children should have 定从+过去虚拟(本可以)

逗号+aiming 分句现在分词状语和修饰逻辑主修饰关系

approaches mentioned above 过去分词做后置定语

雅思大作文范文

Recently,a quite number of new graduates from prestigious universities,however,are failing to impress employers, not because they lack the requisite qualifications but because they are rather restricted in interpersonal skills to integrate effectively into the office environment.

A wide range of factors may contribute to the limitation and deficiency of interpersonal skills among those entry-level candidates.Predictably,due to the increasingly competitive employment market,certificates and high academic qualifications,more often than not,have been regarded as one of the preconditions for a decent job.As a result,the vast majority of undergraduates give priority to pursuing academic achievements to fill the void of education backgrounds;however,seldom do they devote in any community services or other extra-curricular activities enabling them to accumulate certain applied skills,such as ta sense of work ethic, camaraderie and teamwork,and strong communication skills.Moreover,outmoded education system,especially in Asian countries,should be responsible for students’ poor performance in workplace.No matter for schools or parents,the key to evaluating an excellent student is always the academic grades.Ironically,the time that young children should have spent learning how to adapt to the society was unreasonably taken up to explore the rather impenetrable and less-practical knowledge in textbooks,consequently resulting in the lack of sophisticated interpersonal skills among those college grads.

However,a series of remedial measures should be timely taken into account with a view to addressing this worrying issue.Fundamentally,a comprehensive curriculum for developing applied skills,such as to navigate an office setting and to cooperate with others, are supposed to be introduced to youngsters, enabling them to meet the demand of employers before they are allowed to leave school and enter the workforce as full-time hires. At the same time, extended internship for senior students and extra-curricular activities like community services should be encouraged by parents and schools,aiming at strengthening their sense of belonging. As young adults working as a part in a team or company are more likely to perceive how to effectively communicate,and deal with superior-subordinate relationship, etc.

In conclusion, the restriction in interpersonal skills to the young generation may attribute to the overstated importance of academic qualifications and the incongruous education system. A series of corresponding approaches mentioned above are considered, most employers will undoubtedly change their dim view of college graduates’ interpersonal skills.

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